General Forum
Newlyweds
(Joke dedicated to the new newlyweds-good luck-love from chase)
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe".
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh,oh, aaaaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture."
Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever.' She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe?". We are married now.
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "OH, OH, OH, MY, let me get a picture.
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED!"
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe".
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh,oh, aaaaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture."
Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever.' She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe?". We are married now.
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "OH, OH, OH, MY, let me get a picture.
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED!"
when the girls says...
she loves you and want you even if you are old and not so pretty and she says that after only a few textchats and a couple short videos how can you believe her?
RE: when the girls says...
well if you think you are the luckiest man alive... then it is easy to believe :P
RE: when the girls says...
The secret of CC is that there is a personal connection. If you wanted to just see video you could download porn. If you just wanted to talk dirty to someone you could dial up one of those 900 numbers. This combines...video, text chat and in some cases phone. A good host also knows her bread and butter is regular customers who come to visit her often. She is a saleswoman and she is building brand loyalty. It is all a lie but who cares? If she is making you happy with the fantasy then go with it. Do not take it seriously and do not send money. And remember. She is spending the money you pay her for video on her bf or husband. Believe that.
The Blind Man:-))
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his
way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while
he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice,
the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is
only fair-given that you are blind-that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6' tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times .
way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while
he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice,
the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is
only fair-given that you are blind-that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6' tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times .
RE: iluvuangelx Free Private
I think he deserves a free session because he has a cute name and you have to admire any man that tries to get a free wank :)
RE: iluvuangelx Free Private
lol Oh well I tried :P
Sorry Binksy my boy it's paid video for your wanks still :D
Sorry Binksy my boy it's paid video for your wanks still :D
P***k Teaser
Any one wasted money on LilSexyAngel? Looks average, charges a lot, and, when it comes to stalling, man she is the Queen of Stall - Undisputed. 5 minutes and the shoulder straps came down. Chat waste time. I was gone.
I Disagree
I had no such problems with Margo. I found her to be nice, fun AND accommodating.
I suggest you look at the way you interact with the hosts here. Being rude or barking orders at them will rarely get you anywhere.
I suggest you look at the way you interact with the hosts here. Being rude or barking orders at them will rarely get you anywhere.
RE: The Ashes , For all the English Gents..
In yer dreams. It's gonna rain solid for the next ten days. :D
RE: The Ashes , For all the English Gents..
what's bitting your Ass?... YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ EM..
RE: The Ashes , For all the English Gents..
Australia inflicts Ashes whitewash
Australia inflicted only the second 5-0 whitewash in an Ashes series after beating England by 10 wickets in the fifth Test at the SCG.
Australia joined Warwick Armstrong's Australian side of 1920-21 as the only Ashes teams to have made a clean sweep of the old enemy in a five-match series.
THE FULL STORY: http://au.news.yahoo.com/061008/2/10u62.html
Australia inflicted only the second 5-0 whitewash in an Ashes series after beating England by 10 wickets in the fifth Test at the SCG.
Australia joined Warwick Armstrong's Australian side of 1920-21 as the only Ashes teams to have made a clean sweep of the old enemy in a five-match series.
THE FULL STORY: http://au.news.yahoo.com/061008/2/10u62.html
RE: The Ashes , For all the English Gents..
an ill conceived tour, only 2 3 day games and a one dayer before the first test means no chance to get used to the pitches and no other games during the test series to get any more practice. Then again we didn't help ourselves with the choices made about captain and out of form/unfit bowlers ;o). Good luck to the aussies they played the better cricket when needed and in clarke have a successor to mcgrath :o( though warne will be harder to replace and maybe ponting & gilchrist too...
Sex Tourism
Having read many posts about viewers visiting hosts it got me thinking about the motives and morals involved.
The Viewer - motive is obviously sex with a beautiful young girl which he couldn't possibly achieve in his own country because he is too old or/and too ugly.
The Host - motive definitely not sex as she probably already has a bf and is so attractive she has no problems in this area. So it has to be money or/and a gateway to a better life in the west.
Therefore the viewer must be dangling the carrot of a serious relationship and a better standard of living whilst the host dangles her boobs and pretends to true feelings.
So what is worse? The lust filled viewer who will promise almost anything in order to get his leg over or the greedy host willing to pretend anything in order to obtain these promises?
The Viewer - motive is obviously sex with a beautiful young girl which he couldn't possibly achieve in his own country because he is too old or/and too ugly.
The Host - motive definitely not sex as she probably already has a bf and is so attractive she has no problems in this area. So it has to be money or/and a gateway to a better life in the west.
Therefore the viewer must be dangling the carrot of a serious relationship and a better standard of living whilst the host dangles her boobs and pretends to true feelings.
So what is worse? The lust filled viewer who will promise almost anything in order to get his leg over or the greedy host willing to pretend anything in order to obtain these promises?
RE: Sex Tourism
The worst is to think that all viewers meet hosts for sex and all hosts meet viewers for money!
RE: Sex Tourism
Hey, its a give me, give me world. Nothing is for free. There isn't such a thing as Free Lunch anymore. If you happen to be greedy and not willing to give, then you'll be left alone! I really find it more expensive to have a g/f in my country than traveling to russia every 4 months for a good time with a different host every time. I have visited and had fun with about 16 hosts so far and some had already left c.c. and got married and they are still my friends. We still have hot, hot, hot phone talks and wish to meet again, but I don't meet married women... Well, at least not conciously knowing it, LOL. Regular relationships over time become expensive, tedious, and boring and women will always end up cheating. Most of the girls I had visited for fun (sex included... most of the times) are great and have not asked me for money even when we stayed at the hotel together as couple. I help them with some money, but they never ask for it. Most of them sometimes don't accept cash as they say it makes them feel as prostitutes, but I make them see that it is my way to help. I have fun, it costs me money, but what else would money do sitting in my wallet and I alone? I better enjoy the benefits it brings ;-) Perhaps I could do it without the money, but its my way to compesate them. Let's say I leave them a gift they can later choose ;-)
RE: Sex Tourism
i have no clue... do not even know where the question came from... so i just googled it for them and posted the first thing that came up :P
RE: Sex Tourism
Hey, I am not the only member or man that meet girls. Look on the posts before and you'll see several members visit girls all the the time. There are several others men and members and there is lots of girls that tell you that they never meet anyone, but its up to you to win their trust. Some still meet and they lie, especially to their online boyfriends, LOL>
RE: Sex Tourism
Do you really think the hosts he's met were all lovesick, naive, manipulated little angels?
Get real.
So he got together with some women here just to have some fun, what's wrong with that?
Get real.
So he got together with some women here just to have some fun, what's wrong with that?
RE: Sex Tourism
Why make promises? Do you go to a bar and promise every chick you see marriage, a diamond ring, a million dollar life insurance, and a car? LOL! No, its just fun, charm, and lots of sweet talks. I never promise a girl that I want to live with her for the rest of my life and have 120 kids! Believe me, some get scared with the responsibility of marriage. Most of these girls are in their early 20's and dont want to get married yet. I just video chat with them for good time and try to be funny and never even ask them to show in video what I will later see in person. I like most, but Im not a jealous person. I leave if they are busy chatting to someone else and I don't stay in free chat for hours if I can to free chat. I call them on the phone, send them nice birthday gifts, nice letters and nice greeting cards, sometimes flowers without waiting a special reason. Just show them what a man can do for them and don't just offer them marriage!!! LOL. I guess some expect that, but I tell them before I meet them that I am not ready for marriage yet. I didn't say I fucked all 16 girls I visited. I say most, but not all. Besides, none of the girls I visited and had sex with was a virgin. Its just fun. Its easy as that.
RE: Sex Tourism
2 years ago I traveled to Romania to meet whom I thought to be the love of my life. In 15 days we visited many places and promised love to each other. We later made plans in chats to get married and live together for the rest of our lives. 2 months later, I went back without telling her, as a surprise, but I was the surprised one! She had a man in her flat... a romanian lover. The man was very angry, jealous, and puzzled. She was all spook up in horror. She spoke great deal of english and spanish, but that day she couldn't speak a word in either language. Finally the man asked me to enter and seat down. He was a great guy and spoke some spanish (I speak spanish). He told me he has been living with this girl for 3 years. He works in ships so he goes away for months. He apparently didnt know what his girl do. Finally, I went back to the hotel and met someone else there. 6 months later this girl married someone in Netherlands and looked for me in yahoo to tell me how much she loves me and wanted to meet me again in Netherlands since her husband also traveled much. She even made a vid show for me for free. I wouldn't trust a host. They always keep in touch with most members and sooner or later cheat.
RE: Sex Tourism
But do we believe him? 16 hosts bedded for a simple monetary transaction and no promises of visas, cars, houses, or marriage? Sounds too easy to me.
RE: Sex Tourism
of course it is... dont forget a lot of these same people bragging about such things are also the ones who say this is all a fantasy land... so could be the online fantasy land just creaped into his real world and he cant tell day dreams from reality anymore :P
RE: Sex Tourism
Why would a 19 or 20 year old girl would want to marry and move to a foreign country where she doesn't know anyone? Do you think she will abandon her friends, her family, memories? Do you think she will jump from her seat and say: OH YES!!!!??? You are the one dreaming that these girls are seating on the edge of their seats waiting for a 40 year old loser to say: Would you marry me baby? I have a house with a stove to cook for me and a dog you'll need to take out for me. Oh come on. Thats pathetic!!! The girls love to meet new nice people, important people that travel around the world for businesses. They want to go to the club and dance until the next morning. They want to drink, dance, get high, and have sex with someone they like. Geez!!! You all have the idea these girls are thirst of sex and hungry for marriage. They are not in an isolated island where only women exist! There are men, young men, studs, not viagra middle age crisis half bald losers! I am just having fun while I can. Thats all, I don't promise a kingdom. I just tell them I like to visit them after a friendly relation has been establish. Later on with drinks and dancing anything happens. Just like it would happen on a normal date. They aren't angels! Geez!
RE: Sex Tourism
I do get much of what you're saying Mr. Important Businessman but why would a beautiful 19 year old girl just want sex for fun with a middle aged guy? It's so obviously for financial gain of some kind. Beautiful young girls in your own country are just not interested in guys like you, in fact they think you're a pervert probably. They just don't have the same money needs.
RE: Sex Tourism
I am not middle aged, not even near 45 and I don't have a problem finding girls in my own town. I said I don't want anything serious and I dont want a woman around me at all times. A woman sophocates me. I was married already and hated it every minute. Also lived with a woman in free union and same old. I hate being on a chain. I was free and on my own since 16. Come on! Men are suppose to be the hunters, not the hunted! Besides, I like the sensation and challenge of seduction without stupid promises. I don't ridiculize myself by saying illusive exaggerations ;-)
RE: Sex Tourism
I think I'm starting to dig you, man.
You're not a supplicating, ingratiating, weasel - not a jaded, cynical bastard out to nail chicks to prove something. You just seem comfortable in your own skin and out to seize your opportunities to have some fun. That's cool.
Seriously though, if i find out that you've had your way with my Russian girlfriend here, I'm coming after you. :P
You're not a supplicating, ingratiating, weasel - not a jaded, cynical bastard out to nail chicks to prove something. You just seem comfortable in your own skin and out to seize your opportunities to have some fun. That's cool.
Seriously though, if i find out that you've had your way with my Russian girlfriend here, I'm coming after you. :P
RE: Sex Tourism
Yeah...like, what the hell does this guy work at? Who has that kind of time and money for a trip to Russia every few months? Retired old guy, perhaps?
RE: Sex Tourism
Not retired. Not old, not young. Work for a multinational franchise... The rest would be too personal to reveal, but thanks for your interest.
RE: Sex Tourism
I understand all what you said and your motives but you didn't adequately explain the girls' motives. I don't believe for one second that a young beautiful Russian girl would meet and have sex with a guy from this site unless she believed she had something more to gain than a fun time in a hotel room.
What i do believe is that you and other guys here are peddling false promises in order to obtain what you can't get at home which is sex with a young beauty. To me that is unforgiveable and hosts should be wary.
What i do believe is that you and other guys here are peddling false promises in order to obtain what you can't get at home which is sex with a young beauty. To me that is unforgiveable and hosts should be wary.
RE: Sex Tourism
i am sure there are some out there who are just looking for a good time... BUT i do agree with Sebastian on the majority of encounters... false promises. if someone is sending little gifts, making calls, and all of that before hand... to most i think that it shows more interest then just a quicky
RE: Sex Tourism
I've consulted me wee lepricauns on this one and knock me down with a pint of guiness if the idea of cheap flights fro' Stansted to Rostov isn't the holiest of ideas.........any little ting to support a bit o honest trade.....
dear "Sebastian"
For some it is a mere diversion with an exotic partner. Yes Western guys are exotic to Eastern girls. If she does it for what she can glob out of his pockets, then she is using him, he is not using her.
phone - question
Hi - happy new year,
Just a question for you lovely girls on CC.
Some of you offer "phone" as an option. Do any of you use internet phone, skype, yahoo or other ?
Just a question for you lovely girls on CC.
Some of you offer "phone" as an option. Do any of you use internet phone, skype, yahoo or other ?
RE: phone - question
Do you have nothing better to do than to count the amount of my viewers?
And yes I'd rather have 1 good video with 1 good viewer than to have several chats in several places when I'm on video.
And yes I'd rather have 1 good video with 1 good viewer than to have several chats in several places when I'm on video.
Just a hi
just a hi,
had a few mails asking so..
i am away visiting australia,, and enjoying the winter sunshine, best wishes to all who know me .. and happy 2007.
Matt,
i am on IM if i find time or see a cafe ,,nearly 5th jan here ,, hehe. have fun ..
had a few mails asking so..
i am away visiting australia,, and enjoying the winter sunshine, best wishes to all who know me .. and happy 2007.
Matt,
i am on IM if i find time or see a cafe ,,nearly 5th jan here ,, hehe. have fun ..
At the card shop.....
A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" "I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
RE: At the card shop.....
lol I assume the answer is no they don't sell them either that or the girls I knew weren't as considerate as she was :(
RE: At the card shop.....
Hey you just want to get the apology out of the way first so that you can laugh without feeling guilty :P
RE: At the card shop.....
Okay you had better be really considerate and send two as mine will make you laugh twice as hard as it is twice as small :D
RE: At the card shop.....
you do have some good cards there Nadeen... not sure if I would want this card... but can imagine it is as cute as the others :)
Wedding Song
Her eyes where blue, her hair was auburn
Her smile was like an angel fair
She was her daddy's only daughter
On the tennessee border
One night i took a ride just across the line
I picked her up in a pickup truck
And she broke this heart of mine
Her mamma said, "no-o she's my only daughter
But we got married on the tennessee border
The roses were bloomin there on the border
The moon was shinin there
Her personality made me want her
On the tennessee border
---this song is dedicated to a person who is a friend of mine on here and just got married and I wish them all the best and luck throughout their journey they are about to explore and may the duration of time continues throughout their life.-Love you and Peace Be With You
Her smile was like an angel fair
She was her daddy's only daughter
On the tennessee border
One night i took a ride just across the line
I picked her up in a pickup truck
And she broke this heart of mine
Her mamma said, "no-o she's my only daughter
But we got married on the tennessee border
The roses were bloomin there on the border
The moon was shinin there
Her personality made me want her
On the tennessee border
---this song is dedicated to a person who is a friend of mine on here and just got married and I wish them all the best and luck throughout their journey they are about to explore and may the duration of time continues throughout their life.-Love you and Peace Be With You
jetfuel
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Pittsburgh.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No "
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver!"
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No "
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver!"
RE: need opinions :-D
I dont understand why u r expecting bad rude comments on your site, u made a great job, congratulations! :))
I would advise u to post at a few boards of adult webmasters' forums to get comments on your site from professionals who work in adult webmastering business for years, they will give u honest opinions which hopefully will help u a lot :))
Good luck!
I would advise u to post at a few boards of adult webmasters' forums to get comments on your site from professionals who work in adult webmastering business for years, they will give u honest opinions which hopefully will help u a lot :))
Good luck!
RE: need opinions :-D
looks good to me too but some of the pics didn't work. Good luck with it
RE: need opinions :-D
Unsure if u got me correctly, i ment the links to their CC profiles ....but of course it's up to u anyway. Good luck :)
15.41$:-))
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Call girls vs vchathosts
I just finished reading a book called Call girl, recently appeared in Ro and i couldnt resist not to observe the slight differences and in the same time the similarities between a call girl and a chathost. For sure, the phisical contact makes the difference, but in essence isnt it the same damn thing? After 4 years in videochat i finally found a book that speaks so much about this world that made me think about it.. maybe because i saw myself in some of the authors lines? Or because i was always interested in tracing the effects that such a world has on all the participants, either we want to accept it or not... dunno
I'm sure this is not a subject you are interested in, but i am curious if any of you girls read the book, if not i recommend it to you, . and why not, .. to all the guys who mind read an interesting book.
Kisses to all, ... ah .. should i mention that i miss you? Maybe i'll be back for a best of lol muah
I'm sure this is not a subject you are interested in, but i am curious if any of you girls read the book, if not i recommend it to you, . and why not, .. to all the guys who mind read an interesting book.
Kisses to all, ... ah .. should i mention that i miss you? Maybe i'll be back for a best of lol muah
RE: Call girls vs vchathosts
The same analogy applies to strippers and camgirls.......in fact even more since the physical contact is limited............its all the same thing just selling sexual favors for money
RE: Call girls vs vchathosts
this is the same thing as comparing a chathost to a prostitute again. they are totaly different. A call girl is a pretty name for a prostitute :(
RE: Call girls vs vchathosts
prostitutes, call girls, still people - I don't judge - too easy for men to make negative comments about women. This not against you bela, just that no men in forum question how we easily label women but not ourselves.
RE: Call girls vs vchathosts
You are very right… I was just saying this subject had just been “talked” to death not that long ago. That the OP had just changed one word for another. You are right though, it is always labels for women and not men
Honesty Date:-))
A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane. When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex. After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''
Flower Curse:-)
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"
I lied, as usual.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of
going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and
spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very
angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his
actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you
like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday and Friday still no sign of her.
Then on Saturday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see a
little of her, out of the corner of his left eye.
going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and
spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very
angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his
actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you
like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday and Friday still no sign of her.
Then on Saturday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see a
little of her, out of the corner of his left eye.
Last one for today.
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a
voice call from behind a sand dune....
"One UK soldier is better than ten Taliban".
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune,
whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then
silence. The voice then called out.....
"One UK soldier is better than one hundred Taliban".
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune,
and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again
silence. The voice calls out again....
"One UK soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".
The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them
across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge
battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with
his dying words tells his commander..... "Don't send any more men....it's a
trap....there's two of them!
voice call from behind a sand dune....
"One UK soldier is better than ten Taliban".
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune,
whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then
silence. The voice then called out.....
"One UK soldier is better than one hundred Taliban".
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune,
and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again
silence. The voice calls out again....
"One UK soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".
The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them
across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge
battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with
his dying words tells his commander..... "Don't send any more men....it's a
trap....there's two of them!
I enjoyed that. I'll do it again.
The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the
Irish Railway:
Gentlemen,
I have been riding trains daily for the last two years, and the service on
your line seems to be getting worse every day.
I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip.
I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000
years ago.
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service
and believe you are somewhat confused in your history.
The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Larnrod Eireann
Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are
confused in your history.
If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find
that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in
the last two years!
Patrick Finnegan
Irish Railway:
Gentlemen,
I have been riding trains daily for the last two years, and the service on
your line seems to be getting worse every day.
I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip.
I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000
years ago.
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service
and believe you are somewhat confused in your history.
The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Larnrod Eireann
Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are
confused in your history.
If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find
that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in
the last two years!
Patrick Finnegan