General Forum

Dear members, it's addressed to u and mostly to those of u who like to accuse chathosts in "cyber prostitution" . Give your honest opinions please.

Let's say u r offered $30 000 per month for stripping on cam :D
U are young, perhaps studing somewhere and u need money to pay for your studies, or just to enjoy your life.
Would u agree to work as a cam model? :D
If yes, wether u think u are doing a "dirty job" or not?
If not...God bless u :D....If yes, why the hell u are so greedy then? =))

Thanks :)

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Husband emerges from the bathroom naked and is climbing into bed, when his wife complains, as usual, "I have a headache".
"Perfect," her husband said.
"I was just in the bathroom powdering my d*ck with aspirin.You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.

Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."

watz da difference between michael jackson and a plastic bag........one is dangerous for children to play with, and the other one is just for carring messages
Rafael Benitez has sent out a scout to Iraq to report on a young striker and the reports came good. Benitez signs him and brings him over to Liverpool. They are losing 3-0 in the cup final and with 20mins to go Benitez takes a gamble and puts the young Iraqi on. He's a sensation scoring 4 goals and winning the cup for liverpool. He gets home that evening and phones his mum. he says, "Mum, I had a great day! I scored 4 goals and we won the cup!" She replies "I'm glad one of us has had a good day! Your dad's been shot, me and your sister have been raped and your brother's joined a gang of looters!" He says, "Oh I'm sorry." She says "Sorry? It was you who fucking brought us over to Liverpool in the first place!"
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "OK," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert." "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods." "That's great Mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom..." "Yes, son?" "Why the fuck are we in London zoo?"
Dunno weather either of you lads out there find it easy to buy presents for your girlfriend but i find the 2 easiest presents are:
slippers & a dildo, becasue if she doesn't like the first present she can go fuck herself! It's been reported a man topped himself by stringing himself up with a Man City football strip. The police said It's a good job he was wearing the keepers jersey otherwise he would've been labeled a goalhanger.
A man desperate at Newcastles current situation decides to top himself.
In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Newcastle strip as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police.
On arrival, the police quickly remove the Newcastle kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing his family."

Three football fans were driving along when they spied a body in the undergrowth. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over to see what they could do. Unfortunately, they found the nude body of a deceased young woman.
Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped his Spurs hat over one breast. The second guy, a Liverpool fan, placed his hat over the other breast. The Reading fan then placed his hat over the woman's very private part.
Soon a policeman arrived and started checking over the body.
He picked up the Spurs hat and quickly placed it back. He then picked up the Liverpool hat and returned it. Then he picked up the Reading hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down. Then he picked it up a third time.
By this time, the Reading fan was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert or something?"
The copper responded with a wry smile, "Son, I can't figure this one out. Usually when I come across one of these Reading hats, there's an arsehole under it."
FOR SALE newcasle dart board,no doubles or trebles on it
A Little black lad is practicing his free kicks at SID JAMES PARK He has one of those portable goals which he moves around to change the angle so he can shoot from different areas of the field. He takes 50 kicks at goal, everyone finds the back of the net.
graham souness is watching in the stands and walks down to talk to the young man. "How old are you son?" asks the hair brained manager
"13" Replies the young fellow.
"Well I am very impressed with your shooting" continues the thick headed manager, "and I must say if you continue in this vein of form, when you get older you may be good enough to play for the NEWCASTLE 1st team"
"Fuck off" said our hero "it's bad enough being black"
Little Johnny was in his nursery class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, policeman, salesman.
Johnny, however, was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some screaming fag and take it up the arse."
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and took little Johnny aside to ask him,
"Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said Johnny, "he really plays for Reading but I was too embarrassed to say"

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A young couple were in their honeymoon suite
on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed,
the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his
pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size
of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right and don't forget it," said the husband.
"I'm the man in this family."

With that, she flipped him her panties and said,
"Try these on." He tried them on and found he could
only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants."

She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's
going to be until your damn attitude changes!"

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After spending the holidays in russia and the ukriane i have totally fallen in love with you incredible women. Not only are you the most beautiful women on the planet but incredibley educated, romantic, and fun loving.
I am interested in finding someone special who may be interested in developing a relationship (sponership) with a mature gentleman from north america. Yes i know this site so save the b/s please.
If there is interest please reply with your screen name and i will contact you via c/c mail.
Thank you russia and ukriane for the most amazing time in my life

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"

Of course, the wife agrees, they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only eight hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder, asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die."

She says, "Of course, dear," and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending demise, tosses and turns, until he's down to four more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could . . . ."

At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"

A newlywed couple decide that instead of going on an expensive honeymoon, they would get a case of beer and go out to the local lake. As they are sitting out there drinking and having fun, and alien ship comes down and a male and female alien get off of the ship.

"Do not worry," they said. "We come in peace. We want to party."

The newlyweds decide to let them party with them as it would be a great story to tell their children. After a while the male alien asked if it would be okay if he were to take the human woman on his ship and have sex with her. He said that the female alien will stay on the ground and have sex with the human male. the couple agreed to try it out.

The woman went onto the ship with the male alien and as they got undressed she noticed that he was not well endowed. She began to giggle. He looked at her and said that she was not to worry. He reached up and tugged on his right ear and his penis grew five inches. He then tugged on his left ear and it expanded an inch and a half in girth. They had sex and then went back down to join the other two. The woman walked up to her husband and he said:

"Now honey, don't lie...how was it?
She looked at him and said.."I won't lie...it was the best sex I have ever had in my life....how was yours?"

He gave her a bewildered look and said..."I don't know...she wouldn't stop tugging on my ears."

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is Sweet dorothy gone to USA ?she was going to go

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You know, back in the day when I was posting jokes in these forums there were three or four of us that kind of took turns out-doing each other. It was annoying to some, but others seemed to enjoy it.

In the recent past here you guys seem to flood the boards with spasms of jokes. Six, 8 10, 12 at a time. Enough already!!

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal d ays a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

MessageFINDING THE RIGHT JOB

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned
...couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so
they gave me the chop.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it mainly
because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't hack it.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life
but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut
the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't
noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on
my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,
but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to
it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (workout center), but they said I wasn't
fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was too
shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a
historian,
until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was
always
the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED AND I FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB

Sixteen reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than women
====================

1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly - a woman takes her time.
2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
3) Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."
4) Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
5) Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
6) Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
7) Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
8) Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
9) Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.
10) Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
11) Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
12) Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
13) Airplanes expect to be tied down.
14) Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
15) Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
16) However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.

For Non- Aussie residents Bunnings is a Hardware Store.

An Aussie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge,
burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the
neck knocking him to the floor.The big, burly Yank says,"That's a karate
chop from Korea." Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes
drinking his beer.

The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bog and, as he walks by the Aussie,
he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the
floor."That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.

The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves.A half hour later he comes
back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind
him and smacks him on the head, nocking him out.

The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was
a crowbar from Bunnings."

Apparently the NHS have issued a new directive which will avoid such
confusion over
appointment dates in future.

"All appointments in future will be timed from the start of the week,
regardless of what time the week starts. A week in future will be defined
as the period falling between any two alternate weekends, less the duration
of whichever weekend of the week is nearest the middle. The future in
future will be put on indefinite hold until such time as the present has
caught up with the backlog, and morale has improved within Government
guidelines."

So as the Aussies say, "No worries, mate!"

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their
Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week.
One of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't
quite the same without him.

A female lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the three
talking about their golfing Saturday's . Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I
used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you
mind if I joined you next week?"

The three men looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them
wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it
would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early, at 6:30am. He
figured the early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately.

The woman said this might be a problem, and asked if she could possibly be
up to15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said this would be okay.

She smiled, and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45.

"She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up beating all three of them with an
eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a pleasant person the entire round.
The guys were impressed!

Back in the clubhouse they congratulated her and happily invited her back
the next week. She smiled, and said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or
6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time,
she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still
managed to beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her
southpaw style.

By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to
make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her
out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be showing them up, but
each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!

The third week they all had their game faces on. But this week she was 15
minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to
play the best round of golf of his life, to beat her. As they waited for
her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part.
Finally, she showed up.

This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, which was a good thing since
she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so
complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to hold a grudge against
her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her
ability. They had a couple of beers after their round which helped the
conversation loosen up. Finally, one of the men could contain his curiosity
no longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to
golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushed, and grinned. She said,
"That's easy. When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was
ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I
met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in
the nude.

From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning
for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what
was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the
left, I golfed left-handed.

All the guys on the team thought this was incredulous." Astonished at this
bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointed
straight up in the air?" She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

To all my Orthodox friends - Merry Christmas

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