General Forum

Never choke in a restaurant in the south!



Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they
talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table, begins to
cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The
woman shakes her head no.

"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head
no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her
dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek
a lick with his tongue The woman is so shocked that she has a
violent spasm; and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to
the bar. His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick
Maneuver,' but I ain't never seed nobody
do it!"

A guy sitting at the airport bar noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself:

'Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?'

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Lufthansa advertising slogan ‘There is no better way to fly’

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:

'Damn, she doesn't work for Lufthansa.'

A moment later, another advertising slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again,

'Something special in the air?'

She gave him the same confused look.

He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways advertising slogan:

'Smooth as Silk.'

This time the woman turned on him saying 'What the F*** do you want?'

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said 'Ahhhhh...

American Airlines.

http://www.ga.gov.au/education/facts/dimensions/compare.htm

as christmas day comes to a close,, and the year is nearly up, we need to take this time to look back on the year,, the memories of people, sharing, laughing, and crying together with. I want to wish a few things here that have been on my mind over the last month,, to amazing anne i hope where ever you are now--you are getting better and wish you a good life,, to sean, leaving to overseas take care man and be careful and look after my bro. there and to Jesse we all missed you here back home to gala (kate) glad to hear your life is going well, and to tom and anka and her kids, wish you all the best and happiness...as i said a new year is coming up and hope everyone get out more and meet some new friends, even here at cc. Now go in peace and love your neighbors and give someone a smile and tell that special person in your life (if you have one now) that you love them

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Christmas is over and the chances are, you're one of millions of Australians stuck with an unwanted present. Don't throw away that box.

A Galaxy survey commissioned by online auction website eBay has found two-thirds of Australians have received at least one unwanted gift.

The survey estimates $985 million was spent on unwanted Christmas gifts, up $35 million on last year.

The most common unwanted gifts were scented candles, novelty neck ties and foot spas, while one in 10 admitted to having received socks and jocks.




When it comes to who is buying the useless gifts, mother-in-laws and work colleagues topped the list.

Western Australia achieved the honour of the lowest rate of unwanted gift-giving (49 per cent), while NSW was the worst (73 per cent).

Young people were the worst afflicted, with three-quarters of people aged 18-34 years receiving an unwanted gift, compared to half of those in the 45-64 year-old age bracket.

The survey revealed that nearly half of all unwanted gifts hide at the back of the cupboard gathering dust, while a significant number are returned for exchange.

EBay spokeswoman Inessa Jackson says a growing number are turning their misfortune into fortune by selling their unwanted gifts online.

"Why would you put yourself through the pain of the Boxing Day sales mayhem to return unwanted gifts, when you can sell them online from the comfort of home and avoid all the crazy crowds and parking hassles?" she said.

Ebay said Boxing Day was one of the most active days on the website, with a significant spike in the number of books, CDs and DVDs posted for sale.

According to eBay's statistics, a DVD is sold every 21 seconds, a book is bought every 20 seconds, and an item of clothing every five seconds

To all the Members and Hosts, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.
(Even Imshy!!! lol)

I hope 2008 is a great year for you all.

All the Best,
Darren

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Have fun and filled up festive fluffy flip flops pffff LOL.
Kiss,
Milena

A local news program just had an interview with a mathematician who "crunched" the numbers on Santa's trip. They calculated he'd visit just under 1,200 homes a second in his sleigh which carried a load approximately 4 times the weight of the QE2. All this is powered by "eight tiny reindeer." Look out OPEC, once this technology is released to the public you're going down! Now's the time to invest in weat, oats and alfalfa! Is reindeer "methane" a green house gas?

Merry Christmas to all and Best Wishes for the New Year.

PS the math guy goofed -- he forgot to account for a good part of the world celebrating Christmas on January 7th.

the fact that a loved on has given up on life, decided to allow a illness to consume them when there is still hope, how do you sit there, support this decision when you know it is wrong??
if you try to insist to much for them to fight, they will only oppose it that much more.
so how can you accept this meanwhile your heart is being torn to shreds?

Merry Xmas to all lonely men out there longing for some fun. Kinda new around here and definitely up 4 some sexgames

congrats to DarlingAngel (Nice Santa Helper) and xxALEXAxx (Naughty Santa Helper) on winning the comp...hugs

to all cc staff hosts and members....hope u have a wonderful day with ur loved ones or even if ur on ur own
merry christmas...craciun fericit....gelukkige Kerstmis.... joyeux noël....navidad feliz...schastlivoye rozhdestvo (i know its not xmas in russia/ukraine yet but gotta say it anyway)
santa didnt come to me :(( but hope u all got what u wanted :)

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how about i post a HIGH that i have had here in 2007. all of the wonderful hosts that i have met and the great conversations i've had with them. all of the good friends that i've met here in commchat and the fun times that we've had. not to mention some GREAT shows that are always a good HIGH!

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21 things you can only say in front of your family when it's Christmas:

1. I prefer breasts to legs

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5. I've never seen a better spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry; do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you put it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!

21. I do like a good stuffing

Hi,

I left a negative but honest comment in a host forum which has been removed. I left this comment as other viewers might like to know my experience...any way of gettng the post put back??

To all hosts and members , tomorrow is Christmas day in the Christian Calendar and a time to love our family , friends and ourselves . Its a time to forgive and forget and show compassion for those who are less fortunate , who are ignorant and have little in the way of comfort and happiness . I hope everyone here for this one day can show some love to all and if you cannot .... well what would be your point in dissenting ?

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . ... . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . ... . not piddling in your pants.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*
Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short. Dance naked!!!!

Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of Gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was on heat.
To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Kelvin, a big Kiwi lad, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery.
Kelvin, like most Kiwis, had little sense, but seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.
So, the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.
Kelvin was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Kelvin showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Kelvin announced that he would accept their offer, only under three conditions:
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kuss er."
"Sicondly, you must niver tull anyone about thus."
The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

"Wull," said Kelvin, "You gotta guv me another week to come up with the $500."

To all my friends and acquaintances at CC, including all the staff at CC, and everyone else, I wish u all a very Merry Christmas from England, and a Happy New Year. I hope 2008 is good for all. Good Luck!

I am most sorry fo to make you shame and to bring shame on myself. I did not know it wrong to discuss vid in comchat, as I see others do before.